please post it to us and we'll add to this site. - Bo
http://surrealism.50megs.com/vickie.htm
+ Part One +
Subject:
Asia Pacific Forum Newsletter
From:
"Vickie"
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 2003 23:56:15 -0500
To:
NA in Indonesia
I¹m an addict named Vickie L.. The first time I used
drugs, I was about 15 years old and the event was a night out with two
other girls. The fact that all three of us were named ³Vickie² is not
the only reason that this was an unforgettable evening. What I found
that night blew my mind...in more ways than one. I was quite excited
about this discovery and was looking forward to the next opportunity to
do it again before I even got home that night.
However, that unforgettable evening was not over yet. I got in bed,
covered up and here comes my mother to hug me and tell me that she is
glad that I am home. She immediately knew that I was high and it seemed
as though her entire life flashed before her eyes because her perfect,
precious daughter was high. When she said that she was awakening my
father, I pleaded with her not to do so, but she brought him to my room
immediately. I truly believe that if he had beaten me or just hit me
once, I would have used that as a ³blaming² technique in my angry excuse
to use again. Yet my father hugged my mother and he cried. That kept me
from using again for about ten years. Talk about a progressive disease!
Even after ten years between the first and second times using, I can
look back and see exactly what that phrase means. It was just as though
I had continued to get high all those years and from then on, I was on a
downward spiral at the rate of a non-stop avalanche.
Because of using, my life included such as the following: my children
taking care of themselves...and me; my parents and grandmother going
through enough heartbreak to well make up for my ten years of
abstinence; giving up a job that I really liked working with juvenile
delinquents in a detention center; losing almost everything...including
my mind. Although the following events did not take place all at the
same time, some were continuous through out my active addiction. I
experienced physical and mental abuse, beaten up, back broken, rape, and
much more. But to top it all off, I was gunshot in the left side of my
head (left temporal). During the neurosurgery, my family was told not to
expect me to live, but that if I did, I would be paralyzed from the neck
down, have total memory loss and completely lose my left eye. None of
this happened, not even slightly losing any vision. While in active
addiction, miracle after miracle after miracle happened to keep me alive.
Did I stop using? No! I decided that I would quit this drug, but not
that one or that other one and also decided that maybe I should add this
one or two. Insanity in active addiction.
When I finally hit bottom and admitted myself into the hospital for
help, I had no idea what was about to happen with my life. After
³Detox², the hospital took me to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and my
whole world suddenly became real. I honestly shared with them that I
knew I had a problem with this drug and that drug, but I did not know
how I would be able to live without a few other drugs. They knew what I
meant, understood what I was talking about and told me about Narcotics
Anonymous. They explained to me that the disease of addiction can
attempt to easily convince an addict that she needs drugs, while they
are killing her all along! They told me that an addict ³cannot do just
one² of any drug, that ³one is too many and a thousand is never enough².
Everything that those members of NA told me that night, I could relate
to! I was beginning to understand exactly what they were sharing with
me! And one of the most memorable feelings of that evening was that I
finally felt at home! I finally felt that I fit in somewhere, that I
belonged!
This night my clean date: April 12, 1994 and I thank NA and the God of
my understanding for that evening that turned my whole life around and I
could finally begin to get to know the real world...and the real Vickie.
Since I have been clean, there have been even more miracles! The God of
my understanding has continuous ³coincidences² take place and I am
constantly amazed. There have been some very painful times, such as my
mother¹s death, but my strength comes from the very loving, spiritual
fellowship of NA and from a relationship with the God of my
understanding that I could not have previously dreamed about. I remember
when I was a few months clean, a man shared in a meeting that it is a
good idea to write out a list about your dreams. He said to make a list
of the dreams that you would like to see come true in the next five
years; the next ten years; and fifteen and twenty. He also suggested
keeping them in a journal, perhaps, and to look back on them one
day...that you would be suprised at how many of them have come true. I
looked back on my list for five years and it is amazing! Yes, almost all
of them have come true and the ones that did not, believe me, I am
grateful that they didn¹t! I must add that one of them missed it by a
little. I dreamed to visit Ireland because it is the homeland of my
ancestry. That has somewhat taken place because I flew over it en route
to Indonesia!
After very much prayer and watching many closed doors opening, I
accepted a position in a recovery centre in Bogor as the female house
administrator and drug addiction counsellor. The primary means of
recovery at this centre is to have all of the residents in NA or we know
that it will not work.
The first meeting of Narcotics Anonymous in Indonesia took place on
April 1, 1997 in Jakarta. This was started by an addict named David G..
He recognised over 50,000 addicts (in Jakarta alone) with no recovery
program available. There was a ³med detox², but no NA meetings, no
aftercare of any nature. David G. knew through his own experience,
strength and hope that if this did not immediately change, many deaths
could not be prevented. NA began and there are now many recovering
addicts in Indonesia!
In Bogor, there are three meetings per week: Mondays, Tuesdays and
Thursdays...with more to come. The attendance for two of these meetings
is usually 50-70 members. One of the meetings is closed for addicts with
HIV/AIDS. We see that this is seriously needed in Indonesia. We¹ve come
to believe that there are other diseases that quite often adjoin
themselves with the disease of addiction. At the recovery center, the
present statistics are as follows: 64 residents, 20% HIV positive and
80% Hepatitis C positive. However, twelve of the residents have not been
tested as of yet and with practically watching these percentages grow,
we know that it will continue to do so.
NA in Indonesia is presently in need of areas, regions, conventions and
especially in need of translated literature! Friends of ours in the New
Hope Area of NA in North Carolina of the United States got together and
told our story here to the World Service Office. The members there bent
over backwards in order to get NA literature (English is certainly
better than none) and key tags to us! I wish many more could have seen
these members, some who had over a year clean, go up to get their key
tags for the first time! I believe many of us have been taking such as
this for granted in comparison with the members here. I see the Steps,
the Traditions, the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous at work
on a daily basis with these residents here. I know without the meetings,
without the unity of the fellowship none of us could survive. We have so
much to give together, such unconditional love that comes with the
experience of recovery.
Vickie L.
The Asian Pacific Forum Newsletter presents the experiences and opinions
of individual members of Narcotics Anonymous. The opinions expressed are
not to be attributed to Narcotics Anonymous as a whole, nor does
publishing of any article imply endorsement by Narcotics Anonymous.
Please send articles, list of events, or other material to
apfnews@hotmail.com or mail it to Ivan, 28/d/ Police Court Lane,3rd
Flr., Fort Mumbai 400 001, India.
. . . . . .
TO BE CONTINUED
Send Vickie email!
thelynx@gamewood.net <mailto:thelynx@gamewood.net>
http://surrealism.50megs.com/vickie.htm
Visitors