ADDICT out of the dark and into the light

ADDICT:
out of the dark and into the light

by Chris Keeley,
photographer/social worker
in Washington, DC

Some copy from the book

Biological mother abandoned my brother and I, we were put into a children's home. December 8th, 1966 - fake birth certificate. They make up a birthday for you. I celebrate my belly button birthday and my sobriety birthday on the same day. It has more significance: July 4th, 1985. Permanent address: Reno, Nevada. "Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing this really awful hideous sort of monster." - Klein

"I feel sorry for those people who have such a strong tolerance for pain that they never give up. They die. Those addicts I know, many, many people that I grew up with, they are all dead. They were not able to say, 'I give up.'" - Acuna

"So I went back anyway to California. I slammed the door, got out of the car, walked across the street, and this guy with hair down to his waist comes up to me, gets -- stands right in front of me, takes a nickel bag out of his pocket, sticks it in my pocket, and says, 'Welcome to San Francisco, Brother.' So I knew I had hit the Promised Land." - Moorhead

Dedicated to my Father, Ambassador Robert Keeley and my Mother, Mrs. Louise Schoonmaker Keeley.

prologue...

Chris Keeley is a friend of mine. I have always looked to Chris as having the inclination and courage to capture his unique perception of reality with the shutter of his camera. Somehow, he goes ahead and does it. I heard of this book from the years it took Chris to put it together. There was a long interval when Chris went looking for a publisher. In my own experience, I had an interest in encouraging and helping bring to light the love and truth about the feelings of addicts and the recovery revolution that is going on right now. There is a genuine movement in the underground culture of drug addiction towards health, recovery and spiritual growth. Chris went to each person participating in this work and asked if they would help. Each one responded because they wanted to help.

Initially, the photos in this book were to be exclusively nudes for the shock value and to set the reader in the intimate, touching frame of mind required to reach with the heart as well as the mind. Some of the participants balked at this and so allowances were made and Chris decided that even the form of having all subjects nude would just be another conformity.

There is no final answer to addiction. With time a human being learns how much of life is real and how much is supposition. Personal truth at the level of daily living is the way out of this labyrinth. A snapshot can contain unintended truth. This book is a collection of photographic snapshots along with written snapshots are in the form of verbatim transcripts. The participants were taped at the same time the photos were taken. The resulting composition is a picture at odds with prevailing perspectives on addiction and towards addicts.

The darkness is the overlay of myth, fear and superstition that surround addicts and their disease. Addiction is the disease of lies hiding in darkness that allows the simple elements of need, deprivation and extremism to build and combine into seemingly insolvable obstacles. The truth is much simpler.

The dark is a place of fear in much of the world. It symbolizes the unknown and the unknowable. The myths about addiction enjoy great power where there is no way to verify stated facts or unstated assumptions. Addicts shot fleeing police or dead of overdose are most often viewed as non-persons rather than human beings who have a disease over which they have no control. The darkness is in this regard: people lack information they can react to as free open human beings. While individuals will almost always readily admit to this lack of information about addiction, there is another assumption that someone, somewhere, investigates the subject factually and methodically, bringing to light useful information. This information would help alleviate the pain and suffering of addicts and those close to addicts. Any life limiting or life threatening element of human existence comes under this sort of scrutiny, the more the better. Let this book be one more resource.

ADDICT out of the dark and into the light lets the reader take his or her own look. We are certain these stories will remind you of addicts you already know. You may be surprised as you read through these stories how much the dark has enlarged some facts and obscured others. This is not a lack of compassion or interest on the part of non-addicts. Most addicts freely admit to playing games designed to distract and mislead observers. It is part of the addictive malaise.

While some stories invite compassion, we know that compassion alone will not give understanding. This book will brush off some of the layers of ignorance and mystique from the subject. Humanity needs to get on with it. Addiction is a disease that eats up anything of value in a person's life and then kills them. It lies, hides behind ten thousand games, thrives on intrigues, and makes fortunes going and coming. After a slow reading of this book, we hope addicts will never again be as pitiful or as fearsome again. The dark hides the fact that addicts are people - people with a disease over which they have no more control than a leper.

These stories bring into the light a great anonymous revolution that has been going on for almost sixty years. Addicts began getting the message in large numbers a brief fourteen years ago. A significant population of clean addicts living free from active addiction has grown up largely unnoticed and unannounced. Some of the aspects of the disease of addiction have been turned to useful ends by redirection. These addicts obsessively go to meetings and seek out recovery. Anything that can help them go beyond former boundaries and live happier lives is applied and shared. These individuals have no more in common than their addiction and their desire for recovery. Individuals recover at their own rate and progress is the attainable goal of ongoing recovery. It matters more where they are going than where they have been. Their obsession to use is switched over to a compulsion to stay clean. As long as they are clean, they have won another days victory over their obsession to use. Total abstinence is the most conspicuous evidence of sweeping personality change. These addicts couldn't 'just say no.' This simple way of life cuts across all boundaries of age, race, color, creed, religion or lack of religion. While we are great respecters of anonymity, this story should not go entirely untold. It is time to come "out of the dark and into the light."

Bo Sewell
February 7, 1994

Preface

From the beginning, this work has been blessed with special people who helped the idea become a reality. We are grateful to all these people. We have to start with the contributors. Their selflessness exemplifies the spirit of recovery among addicts today. Chris has been primarily motivated to help others. His Father, Ambassador Keeley helped by editing all the original handwritten transcripts. Three friends, Carl D., David B. and Rita B., provided crucial help and spiritual support.

The origins of this book lie in the special range of interests of the author and photographer. Chris has assembled a rare and important look into the world of addiction with the special emphasis on the fact that addicts are learning to live clean.

Each contributor has done so with the intent of helping just one other addict find and achieve recovery. The range of contributors includes young and old, white and black, street addicts, prescription addicts and famous addicts. Some have been clean a short time, others for years. A special awareness of addicts as human beings emerges through reading these stories; a fresh look into the real world of addiction today.

The photographs from this collection have appeared in the Fifth Column in Washington, D.C., the International Herald Tribune in Paris, France, and the Pierides Foundation Museum and Gallery in Athens, Greece. All are available on request from the author.

Introduction

Nothing has been done to deprive the reader his or her opportunity to react to the content and information contained in these stories directly and personally. This presents addiction with unusual clarity and focus. Read this book the way you would listen to someone you knew.

Chris: These people didn't know about the project and some didn't even know me personally. When I explained why I was so enthusiastic about the book, that I wanted to get the message out that any addict could stay clean in this non-anonymous fashion, they expressed spontaneous gratitude. I asked if they would share about the horrors of their life and how wonderful their lives are today. I said, "Lets do this right now." and they said, "Yes." That's why they were so spontaneous and free.

Bo: When did this book originate?

Chris: In August of 1988.

Bo: What was happening in your life then? Were you traveling?

Chris: I had just graduated from art school. I wasn't working. Had a lot of free time on my hands and I decided I wanted to do this art project: photograph people nude, completely nude with why they thought they were an addict, what happened and what could they tell somebody in order to help them.

Bo: This is the basic idea that happened in your mind. This sounds like something that a lot of people have thought of but they may not have developed it.

Chris: Well, I decided I was going to commit to it. I was going to try to photograph one person a day or one person a weekend. The first person I got that didn't want to take off their clothes - I did quite a few people without their clothes - I think about the fourth or fifth person didn't want to take off their clothes. I really wanted that person in the book so I decided to just go ahead and do this person.

It was getting stagnant. They all looked just the same. It was just beginning to blend together so I didn't ask people to take off their clothes. I was more interested in their stories. And then I could try to pick people who looked fascinating to me and so that's why I picked them. I expected that their story would be fascinating and then there were a couple of people I was just wondering what their story was.

There were only about three or four people who didn't want to give me their story or who didn't want to be in the book. Most everybody was agreeable. One person dropped out the next day and said they didn't want to be in the book. It would have been fifty two people. Not that its like fifty two cards in a deck...

Bo: Fifty two weeks in the year is what I thought of...

Chris: It just happened. And the last person, Fred, is not in the Fellowship. Fred Hillebert happened to be the boyfriend of this girl and I just loved his long hair. He's a total rebel. He actually cut his hair off the next day. That was the last day he had that long hair. He apparently did use drugs and stopped on his own. So without Fred there were actually only going to be fifty people. Fred was like a last minute add on.

Bo: Who helped put the book together with you?

Chris: My Dad and several of the exhibitors were very encouraging. The Pierides Museum in Athens, Greece showed the photos from this book for two weeks. And also the lady in Paris, the wife of the publisher of the International Herald Tribune, Mrs. Cerna Huebner. My Dad's secretary helped with the typing.

Bo: How did your Dad help?

Chris: He actually edited each story from my hand written transcripts.

Bo: You said you transcribed each story in a day?

Chris: Yeah, each story was a day except for Bob Barrett. That one took two days.

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